I haven’t really done reflections since I left Valhalla. I mean of course I’ve reflected because thats just part of my nature. Constantly rethinking, reanalyzing what has happened, sifting through the beauty picking out what needs personal improvement. I am a number one fan of healthy criticism. It makes a person grow beautifully but only if you have a sense of self first. Healthy criticism can only be applicable with two factors: FROM people who truly mean well when they give advice, offering it with love and support, TO people who can listen with an open mind but can distinguish what is actually true for their selves, taking what they feel is right from the advice and politely discarding the latter.
October marks the end of living at Valhalla for me. A bitter sweet end. There was no drama that caused me to leave just like there was no drama that perpetuated my absence from Georgia. It just didn’t feel right anymore. I felt like I accomplished all that was needed. I don’t know how much Valhalla as a whole appreciates my presence there but I do know how much Valhalla has impacted me, how many people I have traded insights, habits, and most importantly love with. It’s kind of hard to imagine how the word love is used and where it can apply. I can say I loved the most stressful times at Valhalla when we were scrambling for the finishing touches on an event or the sad times when we were scared that our puppy might not make it. I loved waking up in the middle of the night to people laughing in the living room and early in the morning from the bass coming from Jordan and Sandra’s room. I loved how notable it was that we all grew in just a few months. How each gesture or saying would be passed around every person’s vocabulary. We shared colds, tears, hugs, and music. We shared our feelings, our challenges, and our growth.
I tried hard to go out of my boundaries there. I became vulnerable and I let their feelings seep in, not ever missing a moment to let everyone know I how truly felt when it was necessary. I became honest, I was the enforcer, the mother at times, the most laid back at others, I learned how to balance stress and happiness. I learned how to trust an organism of people. To let go and let be when needed and to push even when everyone thought you were wrong.
I find myself talking about intentional community and theres always too much to say. How much you grow, how hard it is, how sometimes you want to pull your hair out of your head or leave and never come back, but at the end of the day they are the family you picked for better or for worse, they are the ones that take care of you when you are sick at three in the morning, and worry about you when your out all night. Those people will see your every flaw and rejoice in all of you and thats whats beautiful. You learn to love unconditionally and thats the most important lesson of all.