Bitter sweet memories

I haven’t really done reflections since I left Valhalla.  I mean of course I’ve reflected because thats just part of my nature. Constantly rethinking, reanalyzing what has happened, sifting through the beauty picking out what needs personal improvement.  I am a number one fan of healthy criticism.  It makes a person grow beautifully but only if you have a sense of self first.  Healthy criticism can only be applicable with two factors: FROM people who truly mean well when they give advice, offering it with love and support, TO people who can listen with an open mind but can distinguish what is actually true for their selves, taking what they feel is right from the advice and politely discarding the latter.

October marks the end of living at Valhalla for me.  A bitter sweet end.  There was no drama that caused me to leave just like there was no drama that perpetuated my absence from Georgia.  It just didn’t feel right anymore.  I felt like I accomplished all that was needed.  I don’t know how much Valhalla as a whole appreciates my presence there but I do know how much Valhalla has impacted me, how many people I have traded insights, habits, and most importantly love with.  It’s kind of hard to imagine how the word love is used and where it can apply. I can say I loved the most stressful times at Valhalla when we were scrambling for the finishing touches on an event or the sad times when we were scared that our puppy might not make it.  I loved waking up in the middle of the night to people laughing in the living room and early in the morning from the bass coming from Jordan and Sandra’s room.  I loved how notable it was that we all grew in just a few months.  How each gesture or saying would be passed around every person’s vocabulary.  We shared colds, tears, hugs, and music.  We shared our feelings, our challenges, and our growth.

 

Intentional Community

Intentional Community

I tried hard to go out of my boundaries there.  I became vulnerable and I let their feelings seep in, not ever missing a moment to let everyone know I how truly felt when it was necessary.  I became honest, I was the enforcer, the mother at times, the most laid back at others, I learned how to balance stress and happiness.  I learned how to trust an organism of people. To let go and let be when needed and to push even when everyone thought you were wrong.

I find myself talking about intentional community and theres always too much to say.  How much you grow, how hard it is, how sometimes you want to pull your hair out of your head or leave and never come back, but at the end of the day they are the family you picked for better or for worse, they are the ones that take care of you when you are sick at three in the morning, and worry about you when your out all night.  Those people will see your every flaw and rejoice in all of you and thats whats beautiful.  You learn to love unconditionally and thats the most important lesson of all

 

Saturday reflections

Sundays are usually days I reflect.  Days that have passed in valhalla.  Feelings of the distant past and present. Awesome events that occur and sometimes not so awe-some events. And my self improvement record.  

This week so much has happened I couldn’t wait for Sunday to come.  I don’t know where to begin. The amazing mood I am in, possibly starting with last Friday when I finally found myself again.  It was as if an old friend came to visit, bringing back emotions of excitement, joy, and amiability.  In Burritoville they sell vegetarian burritos  with awesome employees that also happen to be bartenders in the rock pad upstairs.  Chatting away with my new found friends and listening to one of my roommates jam out on stage!  

Next memorable day would be the saturday after where I went to gay pride.  Feeling isolated, I became depressed, wishing I had the feelings of the night before.  Eating away my problems, I finally declared my food addiction.  

It wasn’t until Wednesday that I finally took control of my eating habits.  Unfortunately, but yet very fortunate, it was sushi night at the house and I ate lots of food, again.  Lots of happy, competitive people came to join the Valhallian household for a sushi-off.  All familiar faces and I became my social self once again.  Beginning to realize the fortune of people I had discovered I became ecstatically comfortable (yes I am aware that the two words conflict).  

The next day I started my fast, nothing in my stomach except for feelings I had been ignoring.  After a run in the rain I sat meditating and reflecting with my rocks; malachite, pietersite, and labradorite.  It was quite an experience to sit and reflect for hours in nature.  It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to be broken and to admit that your personality is made up of fragmented parts that you pieced and repieced together. Life is about that acceptance and from there you can achieve anything.  

Last night, I went to a gay club called Unity where I yet again willed myself into fun and happiness.  Burst of energy came out as I hit the dance floor, lights flashing and beautiful people who actually were considerate of your boundaries.  Gay clubs are definitely much better than straight clubs.  

Today I am on the third day of my diet and I feel amazing.  Sticking to a restricted diet of smoothies made up of fruits, veggies, seeds, and nuts.  I’m not hungry all the time anymore, I have a ton of energy, and my mood is always better.   I don’t even crave crap, which is the most surprising part.  

I have will power and I realize I can do anything I set my mind to.  It’s one thing to say it but massively different to feel it.  With the help of Tony Robbins personal power tapes I have a boost to every day.  

Yesterday I also my perspective of living at Valhalla completely shifted.  I forgot the excitement I felt about moving here.  I got lost in distraught over the issues so much that I clouded away the happiness it brings me to be here.  I am living my dream.  I know it sounds corny but everything I ask for here comes true.  Either by coincidence or concentration.  I know I must be on the right track. (:

Social autonomy workshop

Social autonomy workshop

SIGN UP NOW!

Aviram Muller, sociologist and certified Eco-village designer, is organizing a workshop on his land the 27th and 28th of July.

What are the practical solutions enabling us to lead a sustainable life in harmony with Nature and each other? How can we build unity in the diversity of our cultures, ideologies and personalities? How can we create more fairness and social justice? How can we nourish a community that will in turn help us to live an abundant and happy life? How? – Everything is already there – Nature at the heart of our work – all we have to do is to see it and dance with it!

A research by Diana Leaf Christian revealed that 90% of all Eco-community projects fail; only 10% succeed. This workshop will give you all the tools to get yourself on the side of the 10% and make your project a sure-fire success!

To sign up, email Aviram: center@pontdevie.org

Price: 200$ (Get a 20$ Discount if you mention Valhalla in your email)

Am I asleep when I’m awake or awake when I’m asleep?

Days have been blurring together on the everyman cycle.  In the mornings I feel very pressed to work but by the afternoons I am much more relaxed.  Yesterday was by far the most grueling day.  After almost every sleep cycle I mustered up all of my energy to get out of bed each time.  Feeling groggy I trek onwards throughout the day.  Once I am up I am much more functional, especially during the afternoon when it is easy to stay awake.  I have fits of laughter, am beginning to see things, and am more forgetful than usual.  Waking haunts me in my dreams, but at least I am beginning to have dreams.  I am becoming more aware of my surroundings and can easily reach a highly meditative state.  The barriers that have been closing me off from others are easier to break down in the state of sleep deprivation.  Which brings up another point, am I actually sleep deprived?  My eyes and my brain tell me I am but as I get used to the cycle I begin to feel more refreshed after each nap. Today I slept three hours and fifteen minutes instead of three hours and thirty minutes making a huge impact!  I jumped out of bed and started my day, I feel much less lethargic and have a better cognitive thought process.  Today should be good day.

 

News about Valhalla! We got an engineer to stamp our greenhouse project!!!!! This is insane news because without the stamp we would not be able to go forth with many forethought projects on the land. We also have had a speaker present us in an international conference addressing sustainable community initiatives with fantastic results.  We have been gaining connections with permaculturists, hemp building engineers, transition network ndg, and so much more.   We are preparing a documentary for Michael Reynolds in South America, where yet again Valhalla will physically reach new fronts with our amazing filming crew.  So much is happening its hard to record all of it but stay tuned and go on Valhallamovement.com or like our facebook page for more info.  

Update on alternative sleep cycle

 

 

Update on the everyman sleeping cycle from yesterday to today:

5:30-6:00AM Definitely a hard time waking up. My naps begin to haunt me of the soon awakening.  Around 6:20 we became super overtired and started laughing hysterically as we made a beautiful creation as seen below.  No eating until 7 (fasting cycles as well) Might as well play with our food. 

Image10-10:30AM Not as hard to wake up but definitely not easy.  I am still tired but have a bit more energy.  I feel like its already 12PM so I begin to make lunch.  This is the longest extension of our day without a nap. I begin to feel energized and fully functional throughout the remainder of the day.

4:45-5:10PM I had a bit of a hard time falling asleep due to personal issues at the house. When I finally fall asleep, I find it was much needed, and I wake up feeling revitalized.  The rest of the day is productive and tireless.

10:30PM-2AM Core time! 10:30 was much anticipated throughout the day.  I am beginning to  value and appreciate sleep soo much more.  Dreams flicker through but I still have a hard time pulling them into reality as I awaken. Deep far away…so is a part of my brain :b

24 hours ago marks the same levels of sleep deprivation as today.  Drowsiness pulls at my eye lids.  I do exercises and work to keep me up.  I’m definitely reaching my goal of productivity. Hopefully, I will return to high energy levels.